Visraj Singh

So now to the Next principle that we will put into action after reading this article.

PRINCIPLE 2
Give honest and sincere appreciation.

I will start with a quote,

Secret to get anybody to do anything is by giving him what he want.

Of course, you can make someone want to give you his watch by sticking a revolver in his ribs. But These crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions.

Some of the things most people want include:

• Health and the preservation of life.
• Food.
• Sleep.
• Money and the things money will buy.
• Life in the hereafter.
• Sexual gratification.
• The well-being of our children.
• A feeling of importance.

Almost all these wants are usually gratified – all except one. But there is one longing – almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep – which is seldom gratified. It is ‘the Desire to be great.’ It is what Dewey calls the ‘Desire to be important.’

Desire to be important is very much important for us and that makes our civilization move ahead and we work for achieving something so that we fulfil our Desire to be Important. It was this desire for a feeling of importance that led an uneducated, poverty-stricken grocery clerk to study some law books he found in the bottom of a barrel of household plunder that he had bought for fifty cents. You have probably heard of this grocery clerk. His name was Lincoln.

If someone tells me how he get his feeling of importance, I’ll tell him what he is. This determines his character.

For example, John D. Rockefeller got his feeling of importance by giving money to erect a modern hospital in Peking, China, to care for millions of poor people whom he had never seen and never would see. Dillinger, on the other hand, got his feeling of importance by being a bandit, a bank robber and killer.

Lincoln once began a letter saying: ‘Everybody likes a compliment.’

This craving that is to be appreciated that human desires, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and ‘even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.’

One of the first people around 1920’s in American business to be paid a salary of over a million dollars a year was Charles Schwab.

‘I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,’ ‘the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.’

I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.’

Charles Schwab

That is what Schwab did. But what do average people do?

The exact opposite. If they don’t like a thing, they bawl out their subordinates, they criticize them to the maximum extent; if they do like it, they say nothing.

We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars.

So From Today we should put into action of praising everyone for any good thing they do.

Remember this or stick it on your mirror or somewhere so that every morning you visit once before going to work or college and slowly it become our personality.
I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it. Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.

Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,’ and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime – repeat them years after you have forgotten them.

Flattery is fake, and like fake money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.

The difference between appreciation and flattery?

That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.

‘Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.’

General Obregon’s

We have to do sincere appreciation and not flattery .

One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.

Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.

‘The great aim of education,’ said Herbert Spencer, ‘is not knowledge but action.’

Professor William James of Harvard said, ‘compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.’

The Coming Lessons will be action lessons so it is advised to learn the content and put it into the action that day.

Soft Skills were the most important, is the most important, and will be the most important skill in the world.

John D. Rockefeller said that ‘the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee.’ ‘And I will pay more for that ability,’ said John D., ‘than for any other under the sun.’

As said in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People,
The highest-paid personnel in engineering are frequently not those who know the most about engineering.
One can, for example, hire mere technical ability in engineering, accountancy, architecture or any other profession at nominal salaries. But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people – that person is headed for higher earning power.

So I will list some Principles that if followed in every conversation will make you The one everyone want to be with

PRINCIPLE 1
Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

B.F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. and you can try this also with anyone and this will confirm your result,

‘As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.’

Hans Selye

There you are; human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when you and I are tempted to criticise someone tomorrow,

‘Judge not, that ye be not judged.

So remember the above thoughts next time you are criticizing someone,

Sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. ‘A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’

So final Thoughts on this first lecture of this series

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.

That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’

‘God himself, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.’ Why should you and I?

Dr. Johnson

You would dangle a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish as you know that is the thing she is going to like. You don’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream.

So, Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?

Whenever you are trying to influence someone remember just one thing

It is necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.

Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, don’t scold them and don’t talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making to the basketball team.

Every act we have ever performed since the day we were born was performed because we wanted something. Be it donation or a contribution to a noble cause. We did because we wanted to lend a helping hand; we wanted to do a beautiful, unselfish, divine act.

Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book Influencing Human Behaviour said: ‘Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire . . . and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.

Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people.

So now there is work for us.

Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’ That question will stop us from rushing into a situation ,with just thinking of our desires.

Sometime when we just rush into a situation without thinking of the person on the other side arguments begin.
We know how arguments end.
Even if I convince him that he is wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.
So its futile to get into an argument.

Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships.

Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid. Why?

Because they are always thinking only of what they want. They don’t realize that neither you nor I want to buy anything. If we did, we would go out and buy it. But both of us are eternally interested in solving our problems.

And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us. We’ll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.

When next time in conversation with anyone try being more towards Assertive.

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition and is sure of success.

Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment.

Each party should gain from the negotiation.

‘Self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.’

William Winter

Why can’t we adapt this same psychology to business dealings?

When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves.
They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.

If out of reading these articles you get just one thing – an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle – if you get that one thing out of these articles, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.