Soft Skills

First Step in the Way to Become a Good Conversationalist

‘There is no mystery about successful business intercourse. Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.’

Charles W. Eliot
Harvard president

Listening is just as important in one’s home life as in the world of business.

Millie Esposito of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, made it her business to listen carefully when one of her children wanted to speak with her.
One evening she was sitting in the kitchen with her son, Robert, and after a brief discussion of something that was on his mind,
Robert said: ‘Mom, I know that you love me very much.’ Mrs. Esposito was touched and said: ‘Of course I love you very much. Did you doubt it?’ Robert responded: ‘No, but I really know you love me because whenever I want to talk to you about something you stop whatever you are doing and listen to me.’

See by listening carefully to kids, parents can make such a strong bond with their children.

Isaac F. Marcosson, a journalist who interviewed hundreds of celebrities, declared that many people fail to make a favorable impression because they don’t listen attentively.
‘They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open.
Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.’

And not only important people crave a good listener, but ordinary folk do too.

As the Readers’s Digest once said: ‘Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience.’

Once Lincoln call a friend in a situation where he didn’t wanted advice as told by his friend. He was wanting merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden himself.

That’s what we all want when we are in trouble. That is frequently all the irritated customer wants, and the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend.

If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe:
Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.
This will make them laugh behind you back.

Now you don’t want that, Right?

Do you know people like that?

Unfortunately; and the astonishing part of it is that some of them are prominent.

Bores, that is all they are – bores intoxicated with their own egos, drunk with a sense of their own importance.

People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves.

‘Those people who think only of themselves, are hopelessly uneducated. They are not educated, no matter how instructed they may be.’

Dr. Nicholas Murray Butley
President of Columbia University

So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener.

To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.

Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Soft Skills

Great Effects Your Smile can have on your Social and Professional Life??

You go to a party or anywhere outside and you want everyone to like you, everyone to appreciate you sincerely.

Guess what, there is a simple magic for it and it doesn’t even take efforts.
Cool, Right ????

It is the expression one wears on one’s face.

SMILE. ????

Smile, you know increases the face value.
When you see somebody angry, he/she will have the most ugliest form of face.

It is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.

Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.’

That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.

A baby’s smile has the same effect and we know if there is a baby in room smiling at you, you cannot resist to love him and take the baby in your arms.

Beware not an insincere grin. That doesn’t fool anybody. We know it is mechanical and we resent it.

I am talking about a real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile that comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a good price in the marketplace.

‘People who smile,’ he said, ‘tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.’

James V. McConnell
Professor, University of Michigan

We learnt in one of the articles,
Be lavish in giving appreciation and miser in giving criticism.

Remember if you are leading a group,
Encouragement will always be much more effective teaching device than punishment.

The effect of a smile is powerful – even when it is unseen.

Your ‘smile’ comes through in your voice.

Now, when you smile your voice will be different when you do that and even the other person can feel that you are smiling and making the other person feel comfortable and
feel happy about the call.

You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.

Eliminate criticism from your system.
Give appreciation and praise instead of condemnation.
More clarity on Appreciation and Criticism is just a click away.

These things will literally revolutionize your life.

You will be a totally different man, a happier man, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness – the only things that matter much after all.’

You don’t feel like smiling? Then what?

Practice simple things.

First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.

So, every time when you look at the mirror, just remember to add that smile ????

‘Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.

William James

‘Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there ’

William James

You want happiness.
There is a simple way to find it.

Everybody in the world is seeking happiness – and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

You Don’t Believe me, just Try it and write me if you are successful.

Let’s see one more powerful use of smile.

If you want to say No to someone, I would suggest you that, when you say No, say it calmly, take no tension, do not show any stress on your face, let your face have a Smile, but do not laugh or smile in such a manner the other person feels offended that you are ridiculing.
Just give a very calm, comfortable smile and say No, so that will not offend other person.

And by Power of your calmness and Smile they will realize that okay, maybe you are really serious, and you cannot really offer to help them, so that is why you are saying No. So, that calmness will show them that you cannot be controlled or persuaded to change your opinion but if they see slight stress, slight tension on your face they know that they can try to dominate, control you and then looking at
your body language and behavior, they will try to persuade you to say Yes, so say it calmly.
And the Power of Smile will not offend them and will also maintain the relationship needed.

Smiling releases endorphins, serotonins and other natural painkillers. Together, these brain chemicals make us feel good from head to toe. Not only do they elevate your mood, but they also relax your body and reduce physical pain.

“A smile is the shortest distance between
two people.”

Victor Borge

So before starting the conversation give a gentle smile to strangers, unknown people or even people who have some kind of misunderstanding and it will reduce the distance between you and them.

Just by giving smile, some people are able to captivate the hearts of others. We all like Smiling faces.
So smile has this positive impact of capturing people, healing them, connecting them and binding them.

Peruse this bit of sage advice from the essayist and publisher Elbert Hubbard – but remember, perusing it won’t do you any good unless you apply it.

Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal.
Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs.
Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual.
Thought is supreme.
Preserve a right mental attitude, the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create.
All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered.
We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high.

Smile ????????????

Soft Skills

Golden Rule for Improving Social Health

Social health can be defined as our ability to interact and form meaningful relationships with others. It also relates to how comfortably we can adapt in social situations.

Don’t get into these technicalities of definitions ????

Making Friends Easily are integral part of one’s Social Health.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Of course, it doesn’t work. People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me.

They are interested in themselves – morning, noon and after dinner.

It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

Alfred Adler

Do You want to make friends ??

Then, We would have to put our efforts but we will put in the simplest and most efficient way to Maximize Output from our Efforts.

Let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm.

If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this in mind always,

Become genuinely interested in other people

Soft Skills

The Best Motivation for Increasing anyone’s Productivity

So now to the Next principle that we will put into action after reading this article.

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

I will start with a quote,

The deepest urge in human nature is ‘The desire to
be important.’

John Dewey

Secret to get anybody to do anything is by giving him what he want.

Of course, you can make someone want to give you his watch by sticking a revolver in his ribs. But These crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions.

Some of the things most people want include:

  • Health and the preservation of life.
  • Food.
  • Sleep.
  • Money and the things money will buy.
  • Life in the hereafter.
  • Sexual gratification.
  • The well-being of our children.
  • A feeling of importance.

Almost all these wants are usually gratified – all except one. But there is one longing – almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep – which is seldom gratified. It is ‘the Desire to be great.’ It is what Dewey calls the ‘Desire to be important.’

Desire to be important is very much important for us and that makes our civilization move ahead and we work for achieving something so that we fulfil our Desire to be Important. It was this desire for a feeling of importance that led an uneducated, poverty-stricken grocery clerk to study some law books he found in the bottom of a barrel of household plunder that he had bought for fifty cents. You have probably heard of this grocery clerk. His name was Lincoln.

If someone tells me how he get his feeling of importance, I’ll tell him what he is. This determines his character.

For example, John D. Rockefeller got his feeling of importance by giving money to erect a modern hospital in Peking, China, to care for millions of poor people whom he had never seen and never would see. Dillinger, on the other hand, got his feeling of importance by being a bandit, a bank robber and killer.

Lincoln once began a letter saying: ‘Everybody likes a compliment.’

‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

William James

This craving that is to be appreciated that human desires, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and ‘even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.’

One of the first people around 1920’s in American business to be paid a salary of over a million dollars a year was Charles Schwab.

‘I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,’ ‘the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.’

I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.’

Charles Schwab

That is what Schwab did. But what do average people do?

The exact opposite. If they don’t like a thing, they bawl out their subordinates, they criticize them to the maximum extent; if they do like it, they say nothing.

We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars.

So From Today we should put into action of praising everyone for any good thing they do.

Employee Appreciation

Remember this or stick it on your mirror or somewhere so that every morning you visit once before going to work or college and slowly it become our personality.
I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.

‘Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.’


The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it. Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.

Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,’ and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime – repeat them years after you have forgotten them.

Flattery is fake, and like fake money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else.

The difference between appreciation and flattery?

That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.

‘Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.’

General Obregon’s

We have to do sincere appreciation and not flattery .

One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.

Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.

Soft Skills

How To Be The One Everyone wants to be With

‘The great aim of education,’ said Herbert Spencer, ‘is not knowledge but action.’

Professor William James of Harvard said, ‘compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.’

The Coming Lessons will be action lessons so it is advised to learn the content and put it into the action that day.

Soft Skills were the most important, is the most important, and will be the most important skill in the world.

John D. Rockefeller said that ‘the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee.’ ‘And I will pay more for that ability,’ said John D., ‘than for any other under the sun.’

As said in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People,
The highest-paid personnel in engineering are frequently not those who know the most about engineering.
One can, for example, hire mere technical ability in engineering, accountancy, architecture or any other profession at nominal salaries. But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people – that person is headed for higher earning power.

So I will list some Principles that if followed in every conversation will make you The one everyone want to be with

Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.


Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

B.F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. and you can try this also with anyone and this will confirm your result,

‘As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.’

Hans Selye

There you are; human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when you and I are tempted to criticise someone tomorrow,

‘Judge not, that ye be not judged.

So remember the above thoughts next time you are criticizing someone,

Sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. ‘A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’

So final Thoughts on this first lecture of this series

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.

That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’

‘God himself, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.’ Why should you and I?

Dr. Johnson

Soft Skills

Power of Remembering Names in Improving Professional And Social Life

Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment.
But forget it or misspell it – and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.

We will learn now, how some of the great personalities use this Power into their Professional and Social life.

This Policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie’s leadership.
He was proud of the fact that he could call many of his factory workers by their first names, and he boasted that while he was personally in charge, no strike ever disturbed his flaming steel mills.

Benton Love, chairman of Texas Commerce Bancshares, believes that the bigger a corporation gets, the colder it becomes.
‘One way to warm it up,’ he said, ‘is to remember people’s names. The executive who tells me he can’t remember names is at the same time telling me he can’t remember a significant part of his business and is operating on quicksand.’

Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important.

We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else.

The name sets the individual apart, it makes him or her unique among all others.
The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.

From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.

There are some tips and tricks on how to remember the names easily and in the most efficient way and I will discuss that in my another article.

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Soft Skills

Best Way To Start a Talk and making other’s Being Interested

This small article of 1-2 minute read can be of great value for someone who is struggling to start a talk and feels tough to find a subject that will interest the other person.

We will first see how great leaders in the world started their talk with anyone they met.

The way is pretty simple ????

Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.

For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.

Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties.

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Soft Skills

How To Get Somebody To Do Something

You would dangle a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish as you know that is the thing she is going to like. You don’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream.

So, Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?

Whenever you are trying to influence someone remember just one thing

It is necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.

Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, don’t scold them and don’t talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making to the basketball team.

Every act we have ever performed since the day we were born was performed because we wanted something. Be it donation or a contribution to a noble cause. We did because we wanted to lend a helping hand; we wanted to do a beautiful, unselfish, divine act.

Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book Influencing Human Behaviour said: ‘Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire . . . and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.

Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people.

So now there is work for us.

Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’ That question will stop us from rushing into a situation ,with just thinking of our desires.

Sometime when we just rush into a situation without thinking of the person on the other side arguments begin.
We know how arguments end.
Even if I convince him that he is wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.
So its futile to get into an argument.

Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships.

‘If there is any one secret of success’, ‘it lies in
the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that
person’s angle as well as from your own’.

Henry Ford

Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid. Why?

Because they are always thinking only of what they want. They don’t realize that neither you nor I want to buy anything. If we did, we would go out and buy it. But both of us are eternally interested in solving our problems.

And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us. We’ll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.

When next time in conversation with anyone try being more towards Assertive.

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition and is sure of success.

‘People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.’

Owen D. Young, a noted lawyer and one of America’s
great business leaders

Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment.

Each party should gain from the negotiation.

‘Self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.’

William Winter

Why can’t we adapt this same psychology to business dealings?

When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves.
They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.

If out of reading these articles you get just one thing – an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle – if you get that one thing out of these articles, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.